The Trials of Youth: or, my parents don't understand
by C. C. Chandler
Summary: So you think you're misunderstood? Someday you too may give sage advice.


Observations relating to:

**Old McDonald Had a Farm**

**Author: James Angus McDonald – 1942**

About his father, Angus McDonald.

..

..

A newborn is completely helpless. It must be fed, cleaned, clothed, nurtured.

The world revolves around it. It screams when it's hungry. It screams when it's dirty. It screams when it's uncomfortable. It screams when it senses that you're not there.

Without constant attention it dies. It has no choices. It is at the complete mercy of those caring for it.

..

When you are young and learning, it is easy to be certain of almost anything. Issues and experiences are simple.

They are either joyous and life affirming or a tragedy leading you to depression, to a wish for death.

To the adolescent, parents are restricting, interfering, evil. You think that anyone over 30 is not to be trusted; That only your adolescent friends (whether in-the-flesh or digital) really understand.

Such is the mind of the child, regardless of age, whether 8, 28, or 88.

This attitude seldom changes until you choose, or are forced, to live on your own.

Today, society (or the "government") is perceived as "owing" necessities, fulfillment, and the abrogation of personal mistakes and wrongs (responsibility) to you, its citizen, thereby taking the place of your parent / care giver.

And to the extent that society chooses this role, it retards your emotional, philosophical, and moral growth.

..

For the young, affirmation is sought from peers. Such affirmation is of very little value.

If your counselors are as unwise as yourself, you gain nothing.

While it's true that there is safety in many counselors, it is also true that comparing yourselves among yourselves is not wise.

Therefor, "hanging out" with your friends to discuss issues is of little benefit, except to compare methods of emotional coercion of your care givers for selfish gratification.

Or the coercion of your peers (or others) for the same purpose.

..

When you are young, you can hold opinions without doubt. All issues are clear.

The world exists to satisfy your every want. Unfulfilled wants (seen as urgent necessities) bring frustration, anger, depression.

The world is unfairly withholding everything from you. The world revolves around you and exists for your personal fulfillment.

..

For the young, independence means NOT doing what your parents or wise counselors think is best for you, but rather DOING only what you want.

Which is almost certainly just what your friends (gang members/peer mentors/clique) want to do.

Its "your" style, whether its chains, hop-hop, or BeBe.

What you see or choose in media of whatever type (marketed for your age group by skillful manipulators) becomes your personality.

So long as it causes your care givers angst.

So long as it is like what those in your peer group/clique like.

To achieve individuality (have your own personality) you must become like someone or something "different" from whatever norm your care givers provide or endorse.

You differentiate by following.

Have you noticed the irony?

..

You think that your every thought is original.

But in fact, your parents, grand parents, etc., etc., etc., etc. all had the same thoughts.

As young, they all felt unappreciated, misunderstood, abused, downtrodden, abandoned. They all thought their parents old-fashioned.

They all thought the world was more complex than their parents could understand.

..

You feel that your circumstances are unique.

But in fact, regardless of where you live or your perceived status in life, there is nothing unique about either your circumstances or your feelings.

Others have experienced everything you have experienced, and probably all that you will ever experience.

You think that your great grandparents never flew in an airplane. It's just transportation; you've never ridden in a Conestoga.

You think they never used an iPad. It's just communication; you've never cranked a telephone.

You think they didn't have the internet. At best it's just learning; at worst, its gossip and bullying.

..

You think that the time in which you live is radically different from that of your elders.

But in fact your elders thought the same thing in their youth, only to find (if they ever developed any wisdom) that their parents thought the same thing and went through the same stages of life.

..

When you're young, the entire world of possibilities is open to you. You can do anything – until you decide to go in a certain direction.

Then you're on a path.

As you walk that path, each decision you make leads to another, even a decision to jump from one path to another.

If you decide to try to cheat the path by not deciding, not progressing (a decision), the result will be a lack of growth and immaturity.

Whatever you do, wherever you are along it, there is the path behind you.

Knowing the very next step is usually difficult. Knowing what will come in any longer time frame becomes ever more elusive.

What will happen in the indefinite future is, by definition, indefinite.

Only those things that are immutable are definite.

..

As (If) you mature, you will emerge from various periods of life and think you've arrived. You'll say "now I have arrived."

When you get your first bicycle (freedom). When you turn 18. Or 21.

When you graduate from high school and get a job, go to college, join the Peace Corps, or find some other opportunity to volunteer locally or in a foreign country.

When you graduate from college.

When you find a career and move away from home.

When you first think you're in love. When you get married.

When you buy your first car on your own. When/if you buy your first home.

When you have children.

When you are recognized for some achievement.

When you have grandchildren.

When you retire.

When you're on your death-bed.

At each mile-post, your view of life includes more experiences (good, bad, kind, hateful, elating, filled with regret; history).

If you've actually learned from your experiences as you've progressed, you'll have a little wisdom at each of life's stages to pass along to those coming after you to ease their way.

IF they'll listen.

..

As you go through life's stages, you'll find new layers of meaning.

You'll see how the wisdom others tried to impart to you was good.

If it guided you, well. If not, you'll be able to affirm it anyway.

Everyone makes mistakes. You will make mistakes. The young know this.

They'll say "You made mistakes, I want to make my own mistakes. To see what that's like. To have my own experiences. Who are you to tell me what I should do?"

Sound familiar?

..

Don't worry about mistakes, you'll make plenty, even if you avoid some by learning from those of others.

Your children will throw your mistakes in your face just as you do/did to your care givers.

You will feel indefensible; that maybe you don't have the "right" to restrict/judge/direct them – its not a right, it's a responsibility.

You will owe this responsibility to your children, just as your parents owe/owed it to you.

..

Opinions become less sure as ever more layers of consequence open to you.

As (If) you grow in wisdom, you will find there are often many sides to a decision.

What's good for you may not be good for others. It may be best to defer to another.

You might decide that subordinating some of your desires/goals to the needs/objectives of a larger group is best; to be a team player.

You'll find that giving is often more important than hoarding.

That blessings come to the generous, those given to hospitality (not the same thing as "partying").

That hard times develop character.

That hard/diligent work is ultimately rewarded.

That selfish manipulation will always eventually come back to harm you.

That honoring your parents gains you respect.

That respecting authorities is the right thing to do; leads to a more peaceful life.

That there is an ultimate authority to which even the highest person in a society, the highest civil authority, is accountable.

And it's NOT you!

..

Nothing in life pertaining to the moral condition of man has ever changed, so in that sense there is nothing new under the sun. All is vanity.

Gadgets, fads, styles, food, wealth, poverty, accomplishments, regrets, dreams, desires, sports/games, extreme anything, social societies; every vanity of man is of vanishing value.

..

When (If) you become wise, few opinions about daily issues/temptations can be held without variation.

The young will hear your indecision, your doubts, your hesitation to offer a definite/quick answer and say you are confused.

That you are without knowledge/understanding/wisdom.

They will be too impatient to wait to hear an answer, to allow you to express multiple sides; to allow you time to consider the ramifications you can visualize.

To receive wisdom.

..

When (If) you become mature, you will ultimately accumulate enough wisdom to realize that some things truly are immutable. Some things never change.

It's always right to honor parents, even the worst.

It's always right to respect authority.

It's always right to help your neighbor. It's always right to respect and love others.

It's always right to oppose true injustice and punish evildoers.

It's always right to worship God.

..

..

The foregoing is my takeaway from this book. James lived with his father.

That is not to say that he either loved or respected him. He had no choice.

Long after his father's death, after traveling much of his own path, after passing through many of life's stages, he began to really understand Angus, his father.

..

I read this book in my early youth. At that time, I thought it was a good story.

Not long ago, as a project, I determined to reread some of the books I enjoyed then.

This one was probably the most important, in that it truly impacted me.

After rereading it, I realized what this book was.

A moving tribute to an imperfect father.

..

Now, that is me. An imperfect father.

My life has been long enough that my children have progressed well along their paths.

They still have me to talk to; I didn't die prematurely as my father did.

They have become wise enough to seek-out my counsel.

This is their tribute to me.

I feel the weight of that responsibility. I am deeply honored.


End file.
